Mark
11:25-26 (NASB)
– “Whenever you stand praying, forgive,
if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will
also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will
your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”
Unforgiveness.
It’s an unpleasant word with far-reaching impacts. I’ve often heard it compared to a deadly poison
that slowly destroys you from the inside.
I’ve listened to and read many messages on unforgiveness and felt like
this was something that I had a clear handle on. I know God won’t forgive my
sins if I refuse to forgive others, so I need to extend forgiveness in order to
have a clear, unobstructed relationship with Him. It sounds fairly easy and straightforward,
right?
Today, however, I
couldn’t seem to move past these two scriptures. I wasn’t sure why, because as
far as I knew, my conscience was clear. As I mulled over these words, I began
thinking of the frustration and confusion I had recently experienced during my
prayer time. It felt as if my prayers were
being blocked, unheard or delayed. Why was there no clear answer? Or, when I thought I
received an answer, why didn’t it make sense?
Why did it feel as if God was turning a deaf ear to every request?
As a
Christ-follower, I do believe God is sovereign and there are times He chooses
not to give us an answer, or doesn’t answer a prayer in the way we want. He always has a reason, even if we don’t
understand it. In this situation, though, I knew there was something else I was
missing. I began to search my heart and ask
myself some hard questions. Were my prayers being hindered (stopped,
delayed, or obstructed) due to the sin of unforgiveness? If so, who did I need to forgive?
Almost immediately,
a specific situation popped into my mind.
Memories, long buried and almost forgotten, began to flood back into my
consciousness. It was overwhelming.
Suddenly, I was there, once again. I could clearly see every heartbreaking,
hurtful thing that had happened. I could
feel the deep anger and resentment boil to the surface as the sense of
injustice and betrayal seemed to sear my soul.
Every emotion I felt, every tear I shed, every sleepless night I spent
tossing and turning as I struggled to forget, all merged together in a kaleidoscope
of mental snapshots that replayed over and over in an endless cycle. It felt just as raw, just as real, as if it
had happened yesterday.
I was stunned. All
this time, I had deceived myself into thinking I had moved past this situation. In reality, I had simply buried it deep within
the recesses of my mind. It was still there,
festering, right below the surface. I had never truly let it go. And suddenly I knew, because of my
refusal to forgive, I was being held captive.
I was the reason God wasn’t answering my prayers!
In that moment of
clarity, I made a choice. I dropped to
my knees and began to pour out my heart to Him. I resolutely placed every dark memory, every deep
hurt, and every bruised and battered emotion into His loving hands. I made a
commitment to finally let this go. It
was difficult, but also liberating. Did it change what had happened or negate the
guilt of the other party involved? No. Forgiveness changed me. It released me from the mental and emotional chains that were holding me back. I chose to trust Him to heal
me completely; to enable me to truly forgive.
As I surrendered, a
deep healing peace began to soak into my soul.
For the first time, I experienced freedom from the prison of those unpleasant memories; they no longer had the power to constrain me. The weight of unforgiveness that had hung like
a millstone around my neck, was gone. I
forgave, and trusted God to do the rest.
God has extended forgiveness to us, so we must extend it to others. It’s not always easy, but if we will choose to place each situation in His hands, and trust Him to do the rest, He will give to us the freedom we long for. We can't change the past, but we can forgive and let go. It may not happen all at once, but with God's help, we'll get there. Forgiveness… how precious it is. It’s such a beautiful gift; one, with the power to bring healing and restoration to your soul.
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