Three months ago, God added to our family a precious three-year-old daughter from a Chinese orphanage. She joined her seven-year-old sister who also joined our family through adoption in 2007. For the past two years we have waited, sacrificed and prayed for this precious child. But nothing can prepare you for the moment when she is finally in your arms...or for all of the moments that follow. No parenting book has all the answers. No method works on every child. Much of the time, if we were willing to admit it, we are just "winging it." What works one week might not the next. It is so easy to fall into the chaos of living for nap times or bedtimes...just surviving.
And then it will happen...a holy moment of complete clarity. One that reminds you why you are doing all of this in the first place. For me, it came as a quiet whisper in a moment of desperation. Parenting a child who has spent her first almost-four years in an institution in a foreign country is harder than I ever imagined. If you have any romantic notions of such a scenario, let me squash them right now. It's hard...really hard. It's frustrating and exhausting and wonderful all at the same time. The hardest part of this journey so far has been bonding with my daughter when it is so hard to communicate. It's not just a language barrier, although that certainly is difficult. It is that my precious girl has learned to cope with her needs not being met. She rarely cries, or expresses any needs. My heart aches to make her understand that I care about her every need. Not just physical needs, but the deep longings of her heart.
Often times she hides emotions from me, or completely shuts down in fear that I will be angry with her. Last week, I could tell she was pulling away and fighting tears, but I didn't know what was wrong. I tried to coax her to look into my eyes but she wouldn't. As I sat looking at this wounded, fragile, precious little girl all I could do was pray. "Father, please help me. How am I supposed to get her to come to me?" I held my breath and fought back tears. Then, the gentle answer came deep in my spirit. Not an audible voice, but a gentle nudging by the One who loves my daughter most and knows her best. "She can't come to you...she is too broken...you must go to her."
Tears filled my eyes...hadn't we just celebrated Christmas? We couldn't go to God. We were too broken by sin, so He came to us in a most miraculous and unexpected way. He came not to condemn, but to save. I have an example...a model of how to reach the heart of my daughter. His name is Jesus. This wisdom from on high was a huge turning point in my relationship with my daughter. And, it was a sweet and much-needed reminder of the faithfulness of my Father. I don't need all the answers. What I need is a living, vibrant, growing, personal relationship with Jesus.
So often, we look everywhere but the one place where answers are found. Even though my days are full with homeschooling, housework, writing, being a wife, and many other duties, I am committing to read through the Bible this year. I know that now, more than ever, I need to hear daily from the Lord. It is tempting to use motherhood as an excuse, instead of as a motivation, to be in God's Word daily. Think about it ladies, can we really afford not to when the lives of precious little ones hang in the balance?
If you are reading this and you don't have children, or your children are grown and gone, you still have so much to give. There are so many children in need of love, and so many mommas in need of encouragement. We have nothing of lasting value to offer, except what we receive from God through His Word.
Will you join me in choosing what is most important...what is eternal...and what is of infinite value? I hope and pray you will. Our best chance at a godly legacy is through our children.
Keri Mason
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